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                  說說心情短語 傷感日志
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                  該得到的不會走,該失去的不會留

                  時間:2013-11-15 17:49來源:lovewz.cn 作者:阿瑜 點擊:

                    我從來沒有想過,有朝一日念著你的時光竟會如此漫長長到我須得用上余生全部的光景來衡量。

                    很多時候我總是在想那一整個回憶里是否遺漏了些什么或者是漏了你或者是漏了我再或者是漏掉了整個曾經而我還來不及細想

                    我對你的念想卻已經占據了我百轉千回的思緒。

                    告誡自己的話說了一遍又一遍,答應自己不再想不再念不再看不再怨,卻又總是一而再再而三地對自己食言,可是說到底是忘卻或是銘記終歸不是我所能自主掌控的事情。

                    總是以一副云淡風輕意氣風發的模樣示人,可是一直沒有人知道,其實很多事情是需要很大的勇氣的,比如故作堅強地笑著對每個人說“我還好”比如放棄一切只背著陳舊的行囊從此開始天涯海角地流浪,再比如,對你念念不忘的偏執倔強,我一個人吃飯旅行,到處走走停停,我一個人寫信看書,自己對自己談心假灑脫,可誰又懂我有多不舍得。

                    總是怨恨命運,怎那般殘忍地導演了那一場別離,可是從另外一個角度來講,我應該感謝它,好歹曾在你我之間安排過那一場遇見,越愛越傷,越傷越愛,那么,我是該哭還是該笑。

                    流浪的人不快樂,快樂的人不流浪,我一直走一直,卻一直走不到你說過的遠方,所以我不肯讓自己停止這流浪的腳步,并且在沿途的風景里重復上演著愈演愈烈的悲傷。

                    走得最急的,永遠是最美的風景,傷得最重的,永遠是最真的感情,你要走,我知道自己無法挽留,而我難過的并不是你的離開,而是我們曾經在一起的日日夜夜。

                    你會不會偶爾地也想起我,如同我想起你時那般的輕柔,我喃喃自語地說著所有想對你說的言語。我說,你知不知道我愛你,我說,你要幸福,最起碼,要比我幸福,我說,我全部思緒里過 我從來不曾想滿滿的都是你,我說了很多很多,最后我還說,對不起可是我想和你在一起。

                    都說回憶無法言說,于是我一直寫一直寫,把你和我寫進章節,把涼年暖辰寫在結尾。

                    我一直在想,是時光將思念拖成漫長,還是思念把時光續得冗長,只是后來我才明白,原來余生有限的時光根本不足以用來衡量思念的長短。

                    我總習慣想一個問題想到進入瓶頸,我也會試圖壓抑自己泛濫的情緒和求知欲,這就像是拋下一根稻草,妄圖拯救一個溺水的人,我就是那個溺水的人,掙扎著抓住每一根可以讓我維持生命的稻草,在深海里浮浮沉沉反反復復,生不對,死不起.

                    我不知道我堅持的是不是就是正確的,我不知道我看到的是不是就是真實的,我不知道我向往的是不是就是美好的,我不知道我依賴的是海岸還是浮木,我不知道我選擇的是千鈞一發還是滄海一粟,可我沒有時間思考這些問題,也沒有資格猶豫,我只知道在黑暗里的人,看到光,就會走下去。

                    世界上雜種無處不在,人難免磕磕絆絆,為了不一次次摔在雜種腳邊我只能慢慢把他們一個個踩在腳下,可我知道,我還是善良的,我要做一只善良的百獸之王,不是任人宰割的羊,不是嘩眾取寵的狼。

                    我的心里住著一只怪獸,我摔倒了他會嘲笑我,我難受了他會諷刺我,我矯情了他會蔑視我,我的弱點全部赤裸裸的暴露給他,他指著我流血傷口哈哈大笑,罵我活該,每次出現都讓我羞愧得無地自容,被揭穿的暴怒讓我想要掐死他,可他越加猖狂,我桀驁不馴的本性束縛著我越發強大卻越發空蕩的心。抑是我的一貫作風,我的怒氣我的暴戾我的心情都被我壓抑再壓抑,我笑著和身邊的人開著不痛不癢的玩笑,這些都像是沖進氣球里的氣體,遲早有一天會在我體內爆炸,我會在它巨大的聲響中慢慢閉上眼睛,再睜眼,又是一次新的生命。

                    我不明白究竟是什么讓有的人把眼睛看到的耳朵聽到的綜合腦子里想到的全用嘴巴說出來,惡性循環,再傳到我的耳朵里果然就忍不住笑了,你一定想不到你的生活在別人眼里多么精彩,果然人聽到的看到的都有可能不是真的。

                    一顆心到底要怎樣才會死去,當每一種不知名的情愫充滿我的五臟六腑,壓抑是我的一貫作風,我的怒氣我的暴戾我的心情都被我壓抑再壓抑,我笑著和身邊的人開著不痛不癢的玩笑,這些都像是沖進氣球里的氣體,遲早有一天會在我體內爆炸,我會在它巨大的聲響中慢慢閉上眼睛,再睜眼,又是一次新的生命.

                    教教我吧怎么可以愛別人,教教我吧怎么可以壓抑自己的脾氣,,教教我吧怎么可以讓我在夜里不再感到無助,,我是個失去了愛的能力的人,有人說不愛就不疼可是誰來告訴我為什么我反倒心如刀絞不得超生,愛過的人一個個走了,身邊的人早就沒了心力去磨合付出等待最后的結果.

                    我像是教會的信徒在空蕩的房間喃喃自語,耶穌撒旦都不是我的神,我信因果關系信我自己信宿命,一切后果都是自食其果有因才有果,沒有無緣無故的事情,如果你說有,是你自己沒有找到原因而已,感情以外的事情都掌握在自己手里,該得到的不會走,該失去的不會留,這都是命.

                    我也曾經親手捏碎我在乎的東西,我也曾經身不由己言不由衷自作自受痛不欲生,就像我搬起石頭砸自己的腳,扇別人的同時反手給了我自己狠狠一耳光,我病態,我不該,我怪胎,我活該。

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